so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
