I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
