The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
