Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize