I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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