my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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