it hurts more in the daytime
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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