Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I am one with the molecules
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
