Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
