I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
They took my balls.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
