i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
