She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You are a genius and a whore.
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