My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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