Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
