there's paper in my vomit.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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