and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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