it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
