i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
