I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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