mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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