I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
