I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
