shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
