what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize