This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
