im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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