we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
