Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Is it because I queefed?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
