so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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