I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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