That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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