I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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