Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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