OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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