forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
