so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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