so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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