Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Randomize
