ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
