it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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