Please, let me fuck your mom
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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