I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
