Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
