The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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