Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
