I just pynch a tree in the face
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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