I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
