so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
