So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
