Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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