He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
