Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
