Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize