I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
