I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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