even my farts smell like vagina
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
