Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize