I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
