so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
