That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
