Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize