Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
