well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He kissed a someone with a penis
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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