I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My balls are so social today.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
