Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
