yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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