i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
