8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
