One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
