After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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