trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
