Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
