Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
