My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
