I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
