so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
