i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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