Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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