i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
