i want to swaddle you in tequila
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
