I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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