first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
