we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
