Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
