His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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