Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
