just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
