i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
