so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Actions speak louder than pants.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
