So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
