And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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