Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
