I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
