Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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