he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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