Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Randomize
