I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
