ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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