it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
