Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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