i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
