I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
