would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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