Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
