Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
