Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
