So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize