So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm determined to sit on that face.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
