Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
