I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
